August

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Diary: Sunday August 6th

Seterday, the night the bears come oot tae play, Festival or not. "Aw sorry, pal!" is heard all over the city, from a lurching populace oot fur a bevy.

I thought saw a bus wi' had that fizzy French water painted all over it, you know the stuff what English fowk use to cure ra morning efter, or ra bear heid. ..I thought, canny be, in Edinburgh. I was assured by the most knowledgeable lady of Comedy, caed Nica Burns, that what I had seen was nae alcoholic vision.

Frae Monday next, a free Perrier bus will be doing the circuit of the city, starting at the Pleasance, Cowgate fur ra Gilded, Grassmarket fur ra alki's, Lothian road fur ra filmies, George street fur ra Assembly, St Andrews Square fur ra pin-stripes, back to the Fringe Office, hopefully not knocking doon ra street performers. 'A' can see the bus turning inti an interesting venue on a wild Saturday nicht. Aw ris frae a bottle of water called Perrier. Vive la Auld Alliance. Puts the Scottish water boys in the shade.

Ma pal Thelma, tells me that ample people at Pleasance should use the permanent loos. Or risk not getting the doors closed! So if you are a large person use the real loos, or tak it hame with ye.

I wandered into the International, at the Dynamic Earth and could nae find the ticket desk, asked a few blue shirted youths who looked at me as if I was talking swahili, so I left. If 'aw' the world's a stage why are 'aw' the clowns in Edinburgh.

Hamewurd. See ya ra morra, Fur ra Cavalcade………….Fergie


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